


think of you always (in all my past lives)

by scattereddreamers



Series: all i have to do is think of me (and i have peace of mind) [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff, Genderqueer Character, Genderqueer!Raven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6732820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scattereddreamers/pseuds/scattereddreamers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you really singing ‘La Bamba’ right now?"</p><p>"Are you denying the greatness that was Ritchie Valens?" </p><p>Lexa nips at Raven's neck before sitting up. The sight of Raven's smirk and cocked eyebrow sends a trill of affection through her (she almost lost this, almost lost them).</p><p>"Of course not, i would never," she bit back a grin, "but it reminds me of when three days into our month long road trip, the tape player in your truck broke and that was literally the only song that would play for the next three and a half weeks."</p><p> or</p><p>a shameless fluff piece featuring genderqueer!Raven and sappy!Lexa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	think of you always (in all my past lives)

A blast of cool air slides over her and urges a smattering of goose bumps from her skin. Only the warmth of the body beside her stops shivers from wracking her frame. Lexa smiles as she takes in their too small room with a bed that leaves little room for maneuvering and a bookshelf that sank lower with every book squashed into its space. They somehow managed to squeeze a small desk into the room when they first moved in and pieces of scrap metal from Raven’s many projects litter its surface. Raven sprawls next to her, their breath tickling the sensitive skin of her upper thighs and their arms wrapping around her waist. Her fingers glide across the arm that lays splayed across her lap as she plays with their fine hairs. She cherishes moments like these, the ones where the world slows and her mind is keen and there are no urgent matters calling for either of their attention.

The form beside her squirms and she glances over as her datemate grumbles and curls further into her side. Lexa knew they needed all the rest they could get. They hadn't been graced with the freedom of a day off in what seemed like months. Raven had been swamped (by her own overachieving choices) with tackling grandiose assignments at work, completing their research, writing grants, and finishing up their personal projects. Some nights they hadn't stumbled in until after 3 in the morning, leg aching, mind cluttered, and exhaustion weighing their frame. They'd be up again at 7 to go physical therapy, running off of strong coffee and energy drinks and catching naps in the bits of spaces in their schedule. 

For all of Raven’s brilliance they tended to lose track of things easily, and stress worsened the issue. The past few weeks had seen them misplace everything: their keys, phone, notebooks, shoes (they walked out of the house missing their right one and shuffled back inside after getting some dog’s poop all over their favorite socks). Their airhead didn’t stop there, they'd get so wrapped up in their mind and studies that they'd forget which language they were speaking in. Lexa cherished the tired spanish phrases that slipped from Raven's lips as they shuffled into the kitchen for lunch and brushed their lips across her cheek. They'd peer at her through tired eyes when she'd laugh, delight crinkling her nose and sending a flush of pink across her cheeks. Lexa would simply shake her head and kiss their forehead, massaging the knots in their neck away with elegant fingers. 

(She never hid her love and enjoyment of Raven's culture, listening for hours as they talked about the intricacies of latinx history and art and politics and technology. She never took their knowledge for granted, having held them as they sobbed and shook as they fumbled and stuttered and cursed their way through spanish because no one had taught them (how they didn't know where their family came from because their mother didn't care and their father died young, the last name reyes would mean something even if they had to parse it together themself).)

Lexa curls one of her hands in Raven's hair, combing through their mess of thick curls and running her fingers over their scalp. Raven arches trying to fall deeper into sleep yet still bask in Lexa's presence. They sigh and sink further into the mattress, head turning so that their lips brush the bare thigh of their girlfriend before using it as a pillow. 

The brunette chuckles and slides her hand down Raven's back, gently massaging the rough patches of scar tissue from a turbulent childhood and boisterous adulthood. The beautiful brown skin of her lover reminded Lexa of bravery and honor and life. She knew Raven had faced more than their share of taunts growing up; being the poorest, kid of color in a poverty stricken, predominately white area meant that even the kids who also only ate one meal a day still one-upped them because at least they all had pale skin and rosy cheeks and hair that didn't tangle and curl at the slightest provocation. (Raven's cleverness hadn't helped a thing. They were a whiz at numbers but stumbled over letters and read at a 3rd grade level in the 9th grade. Kids can be the cruelest things to grace the earth.)

Lexa knew that it had taken Raven years to love themself, to not wish their skin was lighter and hair silkier; that discovering their sexuality and gender identity hadn't helped anything because they were still different and other and no one except that dumb kid who couldn't even read the homework they knew they could finish in 5 minutes flat if only they knew what they were supposed to do. She knew that her lover still had trouble some days when their chest wasn't the right size or their hair wouldn't behave or their mind was running so fast that they couldn't focus on all the coaching that they'd been given once they learned about their dyslexia. 

The bumps and ridges of Raven's skin told Lexa the stories of her lover and she delighted in their intricacies. They told her of the acne that they'd been fighting since they'd gotten on testosterone. The wrinkled, darkened skin on their sides where they'd signed themself with too hot machines. The subtle rises where once deep scars from their mother's drunken violence had yet to totally recede. The deliberate lines where they'd sliced open their skin to feel okay (to feeling anything) before counseling and Finn and cars had taught them it was okay not to be okay (that it was okay need help). The slight roughness of their newest tattoo (the sunflowers, lilies, and surrealism of frida kahlo and diego rivera. They had immortalized their culture on their skin, now no one could take it away). The puckered, still healing skin where the bullet had entered and clipped their spine just enough that their left leg would never move without a brace again.

(They had raged and cried for ages, lashing out at Finn, at her, at Clarke, at everyone. Finn left (he cared, no ever doubted that, but he was fragile and two broken souls wouldn't help anyone, he called or skyped every two weeks now, they all had standing monthly dinner dates with him), Clarke disappeared for weeks, and she only stayed because someone had to, because someone had to show them that they weren't alone no matter how much they wanted to be)

They all resented the police now, knowing that if they had spent just a few more seconds looking at their target instead of just skin color then they would've know Raven was far too small to be 5'10 and weigh 220 pounds. They each vowed that day to make a change however they could. (Clarke used her WASP connections to ensure the officer was given an unbiased trial, Finn joined the police force to make change from within (two years in and he'd been promoted twice, was in the running for a third, and upheld fairness and integrity), Lexa made waves in the political arena by pushing and advocating for stricter gun and police legislations across the nation (sometimes being a step below an ada paid off), and Raven... Raven had become the one of the most knowledgeable, widely sought engineers and promising professors in the tri-state area.)

Raven tenses beneath Lexa's fingers. Even though they'd long gotten over their bitterness and issues, they know their girlfriend has too long a memory and too large a heart for her to say the same. They exhale before sitting up, flexing their jaw at the glazed look in Lexa's eyes whose tears well, awaiting the final pressure that would allow them to fall. They create paths of salt water down her cheeks, and Raven catches each of them with soft presses of their lips. They run their fingers through Lexa's hair and down her face with firm strokes. Raven swings their hip over her’s with an ease that speaks of both much practice and error. They settle against each other, Lexa's face sinking into the hollow of Raven's neck and collarbone as her fingers still trace over the scar.

They stay in that position for ages. Raven's fingers tap a rhythm on the small of Lexa's back, in time with the beating of their hearts. They hum an upbeat melody as their other hand cups the back of Lexa's neck. Raven hears a chuckle from their girlfriend as her tears slow.

"Are you really singing ‘La Bamba’ right now?"

"Are you denying the greatness that was Ritchie Valens?" 

Lexa nips at Raven's neck before sitting up. The sight of Raven's smirk and cocked eyebrow sends a trill of affection through her (she almost lost this, almost lost them).

"Of course not, i would never," she bit back a grin, "but it reminds me of when three days into our month long road trip, the tape player in your truck broke and that was literally the only song that would play for the next three and a half weeks."

Raven cups Lexa's jaw with both of their hands and wipes away the rest of her tear tracks. They kiss her, their lips molding to each other's in something that ends up being more a languid embrace than the impassioned lip lock they were both expecting. They grasp her bottom lip between their's and give it a gentle pull, heart singing at the gasp that Lexa releases.

"Please," they scoff, "as if we didn't make some of our best memories to that song." they arch their eyebrows and give her a knowing look.

Lexa pauses before replying. 

"I concede that you may have a point. However—".

Raven interrupts her, rolling their eyes before joining their lips together again.

"Shush, love, let's go back to sleep because someone woke me up." they soothe her apologies (Lexa cares so much, too much Raven sometimes fears) with more slow kisses as the two curl together and slowly fall asleep to each other's heartbeats.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd apologize for all of the political/social statements but that'd be a lie, I just hope it wasn't too heavy handed.
> 
> This was my first time writing anything more serious than a uni essay so I hope y'all enjoyed, let me know what you think!
> 
> find me on tumblr @scattereddreamers.


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